Funny Text Quotes, Messages and Jokes

Hi Guys!!! I just want to share some laughs because according to the doctor "laughter is the best medicine". However if you find this corny, it's not my problem anymore!!!

Brain Cramps:

In a beauty pageant question and answer portion.

Judges: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: I wouldn't live forever because we should not live forever. Because if we were supposed to live forever then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever which is why I would not live forever. Thank you!!!

(Ano raw? Thank you lang naintindihan ko eh.)
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Host: If you have a foreigner friend, where will you bring him to showcase the beauty of the Philippines?

Contestant: Bocaue! (with conviction)

Host: Bocaue? Why Bocaue? There are so many places in the Philippines?

Contestant: Well, because it's a magnificent place.

Host: Which part of Bocaue?

Costestant: The Bocaue Rice Terraces.

(Toink! Banaue po ate hindi Bocaue)
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American English

" Eat all you can, don't be shy, feel at home"

In Tagalog

"Kain lang kayo ng kain, walanghiya kayo, pakiramdam niyo bahay n'yo ito!"
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Toilet Use In a Call Center

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet, paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.

After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company's bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders Category".

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

You are allowed to use the restroom only thrice a day and you have to swipe in and out from the toilet doors also.
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Nakatakas si Erap, FVR at GMA sa mga terrorista at nagtago sa mga sako sa farm.

Terrorista 1: Ano nakita mo diyan?
Terrorista 2: Mga sako lang.
Terrorista 1: Tingnan mo ang laman.
Terrorista 2:(Sinipa ang sako)
GMA: "Meow" sabi ni GMA
Terrorista 2: Pusa!
Terrorista 1: (Sinipa ang isa pan sako)
FVR: "Aw! Aw!" Sabi naman ni FVR
Terrorista 1: Aso!
Terrorista 2: Sinipa ang isa pang sako nguinit walang tunog kaya sinipa ng sinipa niya ito . Nasasaktan na si Erap kaya sabi nito...
Erap: Patatas ako kaya walang sound. Mga tanga!!!
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Tomas: Sobrang tabatsoy na ang misis ko kaya gusto nyang magbawas ng timbang. Naghorse back riding siya.

Jorge: Anong resulta?

Tomas: Ayon, nabawasan ng sampung kilo iyong kabayo.
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